Annoyed
Few things bother me as much, as being made to feel that my feelings are invalid, does. I am not one to hold grudges, and those that know me best will know that forgivness is something I will sometimes TOO easily give. I’ve got the battle wounds and scars to prove that my good hearted nature and gulliable naivity can be my own worst enemy.
Today I was contacted by someone that drove some pretty harsh words, accusations and assumptions down my gullet not two weeks ago, and was asked in a rather light hearted fashion if I had a “Good Christmas”. They were also concerned that I had thrown away the Christmas present that they had sent me.
First of all, the present. I do not mean to be petty, and will not apologize as this is my place to vent how I feel…..but crap on a cracker! We had been both involved in a $10 gift exchange for a group/community that neither of us is in any more. I received from this person a BOOKMARK with the Serenity prayer on it. They made the word God appear as “Goddess” by hand writing in a few letters, in an attempt to recognize my religion. *boggles* As far as I know, and I could be wrong, the Serenity Prayer is something that is used/said/whatever by recovering alcoholics/drug addicts? Furthermore…its a CHRISTIAN prayer. I am Wiccan, through and through. I do not hide this, never have. I was told today on the phone, that they thought I “needed some Serenity in my life”. My thought at the time was (although I did not speak this)was, “Then why did you call me?”.
I assured them that I was not petty enough to throw away the gift. Although now, after the totally bizarre conversation, I’m not quite sure WHAT to do with it. I rarely read anymore, as I do not have the time, and I really do not want a reminder of a religion I abhor stuck in my favorite Stephen King book…just doesnt seem to be quite…right?
Anyhow.
The reason I am posting this is to explain a fine point of my personality. As I stated, I do not hold grudges. However, do not attempt to ignore, forget, brush-under-the-rug or assume I am “over it”. You hurt me, you lied, you hurt someone close to me, you broke my trust, you devestated what little was left of the relationship I had with you. If you are attempting to re-kindle or re-open lines of conversation, then do the right thing and think about what has transpired and consider an apology, or at the very least, acknowledge that the “situation” or “we” were shitty. SOMETHING to show that you actually have an iota of sense and logic in that noggin of yours. Don’t assume that by calling with well wishes that I will suddenly be anamoured and jump right back in like nothing never happened.
To me, this is one of the basic “rules” of friendship. People get shitty with each other all the time. Crap gets said, stupid things done or muttered. Feelings get hurt, toes stomped on. Its the ability to be a “good human” that sets apart good people from the users. Its how we recover, mend and repair thouse wounds that really proves the kind of person we are. In the last year, I’ve found my ability to be a good friend tested more than I can ever recall. I’ve lost some of my very trusted do to my own stupidity and pettyness, and I’ve “seen the light” on a few that appeared to be as morally sound and trusted as anyone could hope a “good human” to be. I’ve been shown that my own judgement of people sometimes SUCKS ass, both in shitty people I thought better of, and those that I thought less of, and was proven to be quite wrong. I would like to think I’ve learned alot during this year, and one of the things I’m most grateful to have learned is that I do NOT have to care what other people think of me, or make decisons based on what will be best for others. I have also learned, and this phone call was just an annoying reminder, that I do not have to take crap from people, and that I do not have to let myself be a doormat. I have the right, the ability, the strength to say….
FUCK YOU!
Tonight I will greet the new year with my devoted and loving husband by my side. Together we will say our farewell to the bitterness of ” ‘04″ and will lay to the wayside the pain and suffering we have walked through. With open arms we welcome the possibility of new hopes and dreams, and the enduring friendships of our closest loved ones and family. This does not mean I will “forget”, believe me, Iwill not…but I am doing my best to move forward with those that I trust and love. To those, I wish the very best for this upcoming year, and thank you for your steadfastness and love, they mean the world to me. Thank you for always understanding me, even if you were “faking” it in order to be a good friend when I needed one most :) I can only hope that the goddess finds reason to bless you all as heavily as you all have blessed me. *hugs*
