To the Love of my Life.

The last year has been insane. I know you would agree. So much has happened, both good - bad - and even at times…unexpected. We have had our moments of frustration and utter breakdown. We have had our moments of triumph and of pure and utter joy.

Our newest daughter, for me, is a testament of what love is really made of, and what its hard work and determination can produce. My love for you knows no bounds, the gifts you give, though often not properly recognized, are never forgotten. They are the ever-lasting assurance that I am loved and adored. It is the way you look at me when I’m having a bad day, and want to wipe away my tears for eternity. The strength you have shown, and the way you have not let anything….not a single thing, get in the way of being the best dad, friend, lover and husband you can possible be.

I can only hope that our years to come will always be this bittersweet. Not that I wish to walk through the same trials again, or suffer the same stresses and heartaches. More, that I want to have something to look back on and see with pride, what we have accomplished, conquered and endured….together.

Happy Anniversary my Darling.

I love and adore you…Forever and a Day

~Your Angel

As some of you know, I stopped talking to my mother for a period of time a quite a few years ago.

At the time, she and my father were going through a divorce, I was going through….hell with another member of my family and…well…things just were all kinds of bad on all kinds of levels..to keep it to the point.

About two years ago I started venturing out into communications again with her, which was a big step. Hell, for awhile she didnt even know what state I lived in. I made it clear where and how I had been hurt, and what I felt had gone wrong in the history of our relationship. She seemed rather accepting, and pretty sincere in her apologies.

Regaining ground has been a baby step at a time ordeal. But I thought it had made pretty decent progress. I mean, she DID come…invited of course to Dan and I’s Hand Fasting, and even took my kids down to the LA area for a week when Claire was born.

That is why what I got in an email from her tonight realllllly hurt. Really.

“…I’m assuming you got the valentines bags. I have to say I’m more than a little annoyed that you didn’t bother to send me a note letting me know you got the box. I guess I figure if I go to the trouble of buying things and shipping them, the least you could do is let me know you got them. I really think the kids are old enough to be sending thank you cards. I know you are busy. So am I.”

Part of my issue with my mother is that she NEVER had ANYTHING good to say about my parenting skills. EVER. Regardless of the fact I was the first/only single parent in my family. Not just immediate…MY WHOLE FAMILY. I got no respect, no grace, no praise. Sure. I had gotten pregnant with Haley before my first marriage. It was not the wisest thing to do. And yes, I ended up marrying someone who tried to take my life, not once, but twice. But does that give her the right to admonish me…ALL the time? Did I NEVER do anything right in her eyes?

Does it matter that I am working my FUCKING TAIL off trying to get my family out of financial ruin? Does it matter? It was a small box of Vday candies and some little stuffed animals. No, it doesnt matter the value, and YES I shoud have emailed. But JESUS.

She doesnt seem to be too worried that she has YET to email me the sewing pattern I asked for a MONTH ago. Or that TJ’s birthday present was nearly two months late. But whatever.

So, did I confront her? Of course not. Like the scared little pansey that I can be when it comes to her, this is what I said.

“:( I am so sorry Mom….

I didnt intend to hurt your feelings or to be ungrateful. I have been working 60 hour weeks…they indeed are taking a toll but that is not an excuse, more an explanation. The box did indeed arrive, and the sleeper is one of Dan’s favorite things to put Claire in.

You are 100% correct that the kids are old enough to do thank you cards, I will make that something to show them how to do. I really do not want my bad habit to keep them from being respectful.”

What the hell?

*sigh*

She’s sucked me right back in. All the degrading and insults are rushing back to my memory. All of it. All I have worked so hard to move past.

FUCK.

Heeee. Quite literally :)

I, today, for the first time…EVER got highlights put in my hair :) I LURVE them!! *nodslots* The gal that did them was quite good in my opinion, and I will definately be going back there, thats for sure! The first picture here makes me look a bit more red-headed than I actually am, so I included a snippet of a picture thats close to the root line to show the highlights and a bit of truer color :)

Also note, I have bangs! I got my hair cut Saturday (same gal) and decided to have them again. Its been YEARS since I’ve had bangs….I keep itchin’ my forehead. It makes Dan giggle :) I am still not used to the feeling of hair on my forehead…very bizzare. Anyway, I like the cut. Its got a bit of choppy layer in the back/bottom. That allows me to dry it into a bit of a “flip” if I want, or curl it under :)

Regarding several of you that asked about Claire being what I called “tongue-tied”. Yes, it IS a medical condition. It so happens that the bit of skin/ligament/whatever that holds one’s tongue “in place” is attched to nearly the tip of her tongue. If you look at YOUR tongue, you will prolly notice that this is not the case. Then try saying your alphabet and concentrate on how your tongue moves…does it go up and touch the roof of your mouth often? Or try to imagine being able to lick a popsicle or blow a raspberry if you cannot extend your tongue past your teeth. I had noticed in rather early…but kept forgetting :( to ask the doctor. In my defense, its not like it was life threatening…and it was sorta one of those out of sight out of mind things I guess. Annnnyway. The Nurse Practioner has advised it to get corrected, so that it will not harm her speech development. Apparently any ears/nose/throat doctor can do this “procedure”. What it entails, I am not quite sure of, as Dan was the one that took her in that day, and didnt pry for many details like the Momma might have. Once my insurance kicks in this month I can make an appointment to have her checked out by the right kind of doctor. I am not looking forward to this. Not that any parent would be… Its just the thought… *shudder* I only hope that we will be able to comfort her and ease her pain as much as humanly possible…*sigh* poor lil bug. I just keep telling myself that she needs this to develop into all the wonderful things her path has in-store for her…and try not to cry about it.

Well, isnt that a bit of a depressing way to end a post? Meh. Sorry about that. I will end with a piece of “chibi” art that was done somewhat recently for my avatar/character in Gaia. Now, I’ve changed my look a tad, but its still a cute rendition :)

Even better….a TOTALLY adorable set of pictures of Claire ;)

Trescott…..OUT! ;)

I am getting spammed. I do not know how to tweak WP to stop it :( Any ideas out there? Its coming from the same bot, Texas Hold’m at www.tigerspice.com

*sigh*

Oh, what a slacker I am! Ok…not a slacker….overworked is more like it. But hey…the money is good and I am not stressing…too much. Lets just put it this way, last week’s time card had 52 hours on it. This weeks will have the same, if not 55 or so.

Training STILL sucks. Atleast its over on Tuesday. Ugh. I’ve been working so much as its nearing the end of the Month, and I have TONS of stuff to clear off of reports and dollars to “book” before then. Can’t have any angry Sales Reps breathing down my throat because they didnt get their commission. Bwah.

Lessee…..This is Dan’s last week as House Hubby. Its good timing too, as he is climbing the walls with anticipation. Its not that he doesnt like spending time with Claire, but its time to get his brain doing something productive. He has a few last things to tend to, such as the lovely pee test, and Claire needing a few more shots, then he will be ready to join the lovely world of cubbies :)

Speaking of Claire :) She is such an enormous joy to all of us. I cannot beleive that over 6 months has already passed! She is progessing beautifully. She has such a contagious smile…eyes that sparkle greater than any jewel could ever dream too and the softest skin…just perfect for kisses and cuddles galore! She ADORES her excersaucer, and ROLLING! Yes…..we are nearing mobility! She is a hazard when diaper changing as you CANNOT let go of her….lest she wiggle and roll away…regardless of what is still left to be cleaned off of her! She’s able to sit when assisted a bit…does great in her little booster/highchair we got her. She’s loving all the jar food we have given her so far. Juice will be next I think…don’t want to start her too early on the sweet stuff like juice….ya know? We also had to get her a “big girl” car seat, as her little legs where hanging over the edge of the Baby Carrier! *faints*. She will be going to a KinderKare Day care Mon/Tues/Wed and to Aunt Heathers on Tue/Thurs. I am SO glad that Heather can watch her a few days a week. Its been such a hard thing to swallow…the thought of putting her in a “center”. Atleast she will get some time with someone who is like family, and not be stuck with a “stranger” all week long.

We recently learned that Claire is tongue-tied. She will have to have that corrected as it is “severe” enough to impair her speach development. I know I shouldnt joke about something like that…but the inner comic in me cannot help it..for those of you that “know” me…who would have ever thought that an offspring of mine could be TONGUE-TIED…..heeee. Noooooo I do not ramble…chatter…or drone on and on and on and on…..*giggles madly*

Haley is swiftly approaching her ELEVENTH birthday!! HOLY CRAP!! March 11 is the big day. She is wanting to go to the local Roller Rink. That should be fun. :) Dan and I are thinking of getting her a Hamster…not for sure on it yet…we shall see. She wants a Cat…but I do not have $500 to toss for a Pet Deposit…so something on the smaller size will have to do methinks.

Teej is the same…all boy, all the time. :) He’s doing well in school and looking forward to “moving out” of the room he shares with Haley. Dan and I are needing to resign our lease here, so we have decided to make do as best we can. We will be converting our Living room into a bedroom for he and I, and Teej and Claire will share what is currently the Master Bedroom, leaving Haley a bit of pre-adolescent moody space of her own….poor Teej…the “pain” he has to deal with! :)

Gaia…..SUX. I cannot operate without my Thread Subscription *pout*

Neo? Mall Opens Next Weekend! I have an ad on the Notice Board now..still need to fill a few slots. Anyone interested? I’m so excited about the Mall! It makes Neo FUN…whodathunkit?

*scratches head* I think that is about it. We are planning a trip of to Arcadia in May to see my Step Brother Graduate from Humbuldt, and we are contemplating a trip down to Southern Cal/Disneyland come summer time…we will see :)

Oh! For those lurkers out there…Due to SPAM ATTACKS, I’ve had to lock down posting for Registered Users only. It doesnt take but a minute, and will retain your info for the next time you feel like tantalizing me with your wonderous thoughts ;) So, register? Kthx.

Today sucked ballz. Very much.

Not only did I have a minor hang-over from a Cocktail Party I went to last night, I had to get up at the crack of dawn. Why? Because I started a one week long training course FROM HELL. And,I have to get in before class and stay after in order to try to keep from drowning in the work that is piling on my desk while I am down in a classroom with an exploding brain.

It also sucked because the Trainer is STUPID, and doing things so basssfuckingakwards, I cannot fucking understand what the hell I am suppose to be learning. All I can think of is how much time is going by that I COULD be getting stuff done at my desk.

And on top of that, I think EVERY desk on my floor that is occupied by a female was adorned with flowers, balloons, candy, bears…..or all of the above. All I could think was how pissed I was that _I_ barely escaped getting evicted this month because of how tight our finances are but how I REALLY hated not having something pretty on my desk. Talk about feeling like a total loser. How materialistic can I get? *sigh* Its not like Dan wouldnt have done something, given better $$ in the bank, and I fully realize that I do not NEED anything to know/remember that I am loved…..

Fuck. I might as well get over it, our one year anniversery is in two weeks, and thanks to my fuck up with the taxes, I doubt we will be able to do anything then either.

Do I sound bitter?

I love Heather. Why? Because She is the best damn hostess….EVER. Period. She’s like Martha Stewart. Except, shorter, CUTER….and I’ve known her ALOT longer.

Yerp.

Oh? And her husband? Who FORGOT the frosting joke? *shock and horror* makes THE. BEST. EVER. DRINKS. EVER.

I swear to the goddess you could give the man Nyquil and Flavor-Aid and it would knock your socks off….and apparently cure you of upper chest colds as well.

*nods*

On another note, I got my NiteMare Scarf in Gaia. *dances like an effin fool* AND the Neo Mall is coming along VERY well! *beams* Muchly proud. Yupyup.

I start training tomorrow at work. Bleh. I get the joy of putting in overtime for the sheer reason that, if I do not….my desk will be drowning by the end of the week. I hope to atleast tread water…sorta?

We found daycare for Claire…yeah yeah…I need to send out the 6 month pictures….and the Family Newsletter *I suck, Ma* -merd-

Where are my days going…..

Just a quick post, as I am on my way to Claim Jumper’s for dinner….

DAN GOT HIRED!! :)

He is officially hired at H.P. *through Spherion* to be a Contract Administrator starting March 1st. :) He is getting $14 an hour like me as well, which will be a definate upgrade from unemployment wages! :)

There is a possibility that he will get put into another technical department, given his background and degree. He ish so smurt! ;)

Anyway, thats it for now…I hear a slab of Prime Rib calling my name….

CIAO!

I had a realization yesterday. It wasn’t earth shattering, truly important, or ground breaking. Just the same, it was an epiphany…..for me.

As most of you know, I’ve recently gone back to work at HP. Yesterday morning I was reminded of something that I was never able to decipher during my previous phase of employment here. For some odd reason, there is the occasional band-aid stuck to one or two of the stall doors in the Ladies Bathroom. Seeing as how figuring out this mystery was not something my life depended on, I had not thought about it since I left. I pondered it for a moment as I entered an adjoining stall (as the “marked” stalls were occupied at the time), but quickly shifted focus to other things, as one –should- when using the facilities and there is a line waiting to do the same.

Later that day, I went back to the same Ladies Bathroom, to find that an additional stall had been –marked-. This time I was able to enter one of these stalls, and took a moment to make an inventory of what might be…wrong, or the least, different. It was then that it occurred to me. Seat Liners. There were no Seat Liners left in the metal dispenser that hangs above the toilet.

Now, this is my blog, and its also MY ass, so if what I am about to say offends you….go away.

I HATE using seat liners. Absolutely HATE it. They stick to my ass, and make taking a quick pee unheard of as no matter what you do, part of it still STICKS and you end up spending an additional 5 minutes trying to extract your butt from the evil paper. Perhaps this is only because I HAVE an ass….but regardless, they are TEH SECK. There are few times that I will actually use one. a grimy gas station bathroom and public resturants or rest stops being top on the list. Being that the HP Ladies Bathroom in the R6 building, second floor, is not public access, I don’t use one. At all. Never. Ever. I figure, we are all getting drug tested and make a decent wage, hell, most of us wears suits and the like. Therefore, I’m not overtly concerned about anything odd happening to my ass when I sit down to do my thang. Besides that, I figure if there are those that are paranoid about what might be on MY ass, or worried about where MY ass might have been, that’s what the Seat Liners are for, right?

Now, stop looking at me like that. It’s not like I am one of –those- people that doesn’t wash their hands after they are done. Ewww. Death to those people, really.

I found a small amount of humor in all of this. So, if I were a paranoid person, would I be expected to stand outside the “marked” doors and do a frantic potty dance? I cannot stop giggling about it really; I mean…..sheesh….band-aids on the door because there are no Seat Liners? It’s not like there isn’t Toilet Paper….or your hands? (For SITTING on people….sheesh) I guess I am not part of the right Social Circle, or high enough Class. Perhaps if I was, I would understand the –importance- of marking a stall that doesn’t have Seat Liners.

*giggles all the way to the Water Cooler*