Yes, I’m alive. Cannot BELIEVE how fast the last month went! I also cannot believe I’ve not posted since the 7th! BAD K! Oh well. Thats what happens when both ‘rents work and your three kids (and various other household duties, projects and hobbies) keep ya on your toes!

I hope all of you (all THREE of you - teasing) had a very wonderful Holiday! Ours was a bit insane to start - but also very laid back - all things considered!

I spent a good amount of time on Friday night (hooray for late night Dutch Brothers runs) and Saturday out shopping with Dan and my local buddy/sister in “crime”/Thelma, Lori. We had an absolute BLAST! I cannot count the laughs, the now inside-jokes, the smiles, the memories! I would not change a thing about it! We got some wicked deals to boot, so thats always a bonus!

It struck Dan and I both yesterday morning (at 3am when we finally finished wrapping gifts - and honestly, at 3am you realize the kids are going to be up in 4-5 FUCKING HOURS so why BOTHER - but you still do it anyway.) that the last couple of years especially, we have “worried” that we would not have much tucked under the tree. Now, I do realize that the Holidays are NOT about gifts. To some they mean one thing, to others - something entirely different, but its never about the gifts, or shouldnt be. But, when ya got three kids who have toughed it out, made do, been pretty durn patient about moving, chaos, hotels and the like….well ya just want to bring them some smiles and maybe some school yard “bragging rights”. Needless to say, we once again were simply amazed at the blessings bestowed upon us. Between two grandma’s who NEVER FAIL to go above and BEYOND the call, and quite a bit of OT for both Dan and I…..we came up pretty damn good in the gift department. Though I will honestly say, I think my favorite memories are of Haley and I baking and shopping with Lori and Dan.

I’m gonna rattle of the list here, because I have the brain of a goldfish and I want to be able to send thank you notes, and have the kids do the same. Plus, I’ve had the typical “what did ya get!” questions, so it serves as copy/paste material ;)

Claire:

BAGS of clothes from Nana Christian

Socks, hat, mittens and shoes from Nana Christian

Several books from Nana Christian

‘Curious George’ Book from Grandma T

Curious George MONKEY!!! from Grandma T (big hit for her!)

Winnie the Pooh and Piglet Bath Toy 

Little People Farmhouse

Little People Car

CareBear

Stocking stuffers galore

 

Thomas:

Shiney new bike from Nana Christian

3 GBA Games from Nana Christian

Ranger Rick Subscription from Grandma T

Container of Rocks from Grandma T (which he LOVED!)

Book on Rocks from Grandma T

Two Playstation 2 Games

Oregon Ducks Beanie

Clothes

Paint your own Birdhouse

“Rock Box” (so we will stop STEPPING on them all)

2 paperback novels

‘Monster House’ DVD

Stocking stuffers galore

 

 Haley:

Shiney new bike from Nana Christian

3 GBA Games from Nana Christian

‘Eragon’ from Grandma T

Irish Flute/Pipe from Grandma T

Set of bath gels from Grandma T

Sweater

Make-up & Manicure set(nothing to drastic I SWEAR!)

Laundry Basket FULL of kitchen tools/pans/utensils

HUGE cook book

Sketch/watercolor set

‘Pirates of the Caribbean 2′

Stocking stuffers galore

 

Dan:

Guitar Hero 1 and 2 from My Mom

Apple Butter from Ma

Cast Iron Skillet from Ma

Crate of apples from Ma (made the best BEST apple crisp!)

50 piece Dremel kit from me

Chris Daughtry CD from Me

Evanescence CD from me

Watch

Hatchet from me (he STILL has all his fingers even!)

Wallet from Haley and TJ

Slippers from Claire

Stocking stuffers galore

 

Me!:

Sewing Machine from My Mom! (Aiiieeeee!!!)

Lovely black top from Ma

Blue topaz and silver earrings from Ma (havn’t taken them off yet!)

‘Kitchen Witch Companion’ from Ma

Hand embroidered (Winter Berry design - GORGEOUS!) table cloth from Ma (for “the house” but I am laying claim!)

7-drawer organizer unit from Dan (for sewing goodies!)

“Tool Box”/sewing box for my more portable sewing needs

Sewing Sheers from Dan

Box of assorted pins/stuffies for sewing from Dan

Chair Massage pad thingy from Dan (Purrrrrrsss)

Flyleaf CD from Dan (bounces like crazy)

Yummay Candles

Body spritzer stuff from the kids

NIFTY Reed Diffuser from Brendan (LOVE!!!)

Adorable snowman candle holders from Brendan (again, house stuff….but MINE!)

Stocking stuffers galore

 

So yeah, TONS of stuff….really….TONS. Thats not counting the several POUNDS of cookies, fudge and other sweeties we have recieved from neighbors, friends, bosses and the like. *is bloated thinking of it all*

We are nearing the most popular time of reflection, and without missing a beat, I can tell you that 2006 has been undoubtedly one of the best years since Dan and I started dating. Other than the move, we really had an all time low on drama, met and endeared quite a few new friends, saw some whacky, fun and interesting stuff and just….well…lived a very good 12 months! Sure we have had some ’squeak by’ moments, some tears, some stress, who hasn’t? In contemplating all the cards that got put down, I really have to say, we gots it good.

I caught Dan in an embrace yesterday morning after the festivities, and asked if he had a good Christmas. It was REALLY important to me that he get some things he’s been wanting, because he - above all of us - has made some major sacrafices for the whole family. Working long hours, helping me “stay sane”, doing handy man stuff around the house, fore going any kind of Birthday celebration, amongst a few things. He clung tight and whispered that he had a VERY good christmas, and that even though he DID receive a boat load of wonderful things, had he not, he would have been perfectly content. He told me, having a warm and comfortable home, the kids, a happy wife, a happy city to live in, good jobs - was all he needed.

THAT right there, thats what matters. He couldn’t have said it better, and I couldn’t agree more. We are just so SO SOOOO damn lucky. We have found ‘home’, we have fantastic kids, our marriage just keeps getting better and better, and we have made so many new friends and enriched the relationships of several we already had.

So, there is your cheese, your hallmark moment if you will for the month. :)

 

All methods have tricked me with their promises of easy, painless
removal - the Epilady, the standard razor, the scissors, the Nair, the
EpilStop, and now . . The Wax.

My night began as any other normal weekday night. I came home from work,
fixed dinner for my son and we played for a while. I then had the
thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next couple hours:
maybe I should use that wax in my medicine cabinet.
I set up my boy with a video and head to the site of my demise, um, I
mean bathroom.

It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you
just rub the clear strips in your hand, peel them apart, press it on
your leg (or wherever) and ignore the frantically rising crescendo of string
instruments in the background. No muss, no fuss. How hard can this be?

I mean, I’m not the girly-est of girls but I’m mechanically inclined so
maybe I can figure out how this works. You’d think.

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It’s two strips facing each other,
stuck together. I’m supposed to rub it in my hand to warm and soften the
wax (I’m guessing). I go one better: I pull out the hair dryer and heat
the Son of a Gun to ten thousand degrees. Cold wax, yeah right.

(Oh, how that phrase will come back to haunt me.)

I lay the strip across my thigh. I hold the skin around it and pull.
OK,so it wasn’t the best feeling in the world, but it wasn’t bad. I can do this!

Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am Sheera, fighter of all
wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire! With my next waxstrip, I move north.

I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I then apply the wax strip across the right
side on my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and
stretching up into the inside of my right butt cheek. (Yeah, it was a long strip.)

I inhale deeply. I brace myself. RRRIIIIPPP!!!!
I’m blind! Blind from the pain!
Vision returning.
Oh crap. I’ve managed to pull off half an inch of the strip. Another
deep breath. And RIIIP!

Everything is swirly and tie-dyed?
Do I hear crashing drums?
OK, coming back to normal again. I want to see my trophy - my wax
covered pelt that caused me so much agony. I want to revel in the glory
that is my triumph over body hair. I hold the wax strip like an Olympic
gold medallist.

But why is there no hair on it?
Why is the wax mostly gone?
Where could the wax go, if not on the strip?
Slowly, I eased my head down, my foot still perched on the toilet. I see
hair - the hair that should be on the strip.

I touch. I feel. I am touching wax. I look to the ceiling and silently
shout “nooooooo!!”

I peel my fingers off the softest, most sensitive part of my body that
is now covered in cold wax and matted hair, and make the next big
mistake - up until this point, you’ll remember, I’ve had my foot on the
toilet. I know I need to move, to do something.

So I put my foot down on the floor. And then I hear the slamming of the
cell door.

Vagina? Sealed shut.
Rear end? Sealed shut.
>
A little voice in my head says “I hope you don’t have to do #2 anytime
soon. Your head just might pop off.”

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying desperately to figure out what
I should do next. Hot water! Hot water melts wax! I’ll run the hottest
water I can stand and get in - the wax should melt and I can gently wipe
it away, right? Wrong.

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than is used to torture
prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment. And I sit. Now the
only thing worse than having your goodies glued together is having
them glued together and then glued to the bottom of a tub.
In scalding hot water. Which, by the way, does not melt the cold wax.

So now I’m stuck to the tub.

I call my friend, C, because she once dropped out of beauty school so
surely she has some secret knowledge or trick to get wax off skin. It’s
never good to start a conversation with “So my a$$ and hoochie are stuck
to the tub. She doesn’t have a trick. She does her best to suppress
laughter. She wants to know exactly where the wax is on the a$$ - “Are
we talking cheek or hole, here?” she asks. She isn’t even trying to hide
the giggles now.

I give her the run-down of the entire night. She tells me to call the
number on the side of the box, but to have a good cover story for where
the wax actually is. “You know that if we were working the help line at
XX Wax Co. and somebody called with their entire crack sealed shut we’d just
put them on hold then record the conversation for everyone we know.
You’regoing to end up on a radio show or the internet if you tell them the truth.

While we go through various solutions, I have resorted to scraping the
wax off with a razor. Boy, nothing feels better to the girly goodies
than covering them in wax, sticking them to a tub in super hot water and
THEN dry shaving the sticky wax off!

In the middle of the conversation (which has inexplicably turned to
other subjects!) I find the little, beautiful saving grace that is the
lotion provided with wax to remove the excess. I rub some in and start
screaming “It’s working! It’s working!” I get hearty congratulations
from C and we hang up.

I successfully remove all the wax and notice, to my dismay, that the
hair is still there. So I shaved the stuff off. Heck, I was numb
by that point anyway. And then I put the box of wax back in my medicine cabinet.

Never know, I may want to try it again.

 

I finally got around to (ok, more like I had to ponder a good long while and move past the “anger” stage) to responding to and closing the door on this ongoing discusson I’ve had with my father, and released the pain I’ve been carrying with me for the last year and a half.

He’s not responded, and I dont think he will. That is fine. I said what needed to be said, and I’ve truly just “let it go”. Don’t get me wrong, its a shame, but I refuse to carry regret and hurt any longer regarding this. No matter what I do, I cannot fix it. Its no longer mine to fix.

I truly meant that I wish him well. I do hope the goddess/God/divine shines favor upon him and his path is a happy and fulfilling one. One cannot achieve this for themselves if they are harboring ill-will against/for another.

—————————————————————–

You probably have figured that since I didn’t reply, that I was conceeding to your accusations or that I felt I was indeed guilty of the terrible and untrue things you said in your email.
However, what I have been doing is pondering. Pondering your responses, reading and rereading my original and edited emails, and pondering some more. A large part of me really wishes I had just sent you my original email, which told you exactly how I felt with no punches pulled.
Thats what I get for trying to be mature, grown up and responsible in my attempt to find out what the deal is.
The bottom line to all of it, is that no matter how long I ponder, I will not be able to figure it out. No matter how hard I try to force reason and accountibility into the actions of all parties, none will come.
The conclusion I have come to, is that I need to forgive you and move forward. And that is exactly what I will do here. I refuse to carry this hurt with me, not another day.
I could go into lenghty discussion for each point, but at this time, I feel it best to just outline. We both know the details, there is no need or reason to rehash them over and over.
1. I forgive you for breaking my trust
2. I forgive you for breaking my heart
3. I forgive you for letting me down as a role model and as a father
4. I forgive you for hurting me
5. I forgive you for the hurt I’ve seen in my husband and in my children that you have caused
6. I forgive you for treating me with disrespect
7. I forgive you for choosing and taking sides when it was not needed nor warranted
8. I forgive you for believing lies about me and/or about my husband or children
9. I forgive you for choosing to ignore your grandchildren and act as if they do not exist
10. I forgive you for favoring Kristen over me, from a young age forward, not just in recent years
11. I forgive you for not being able to accept and acknowlege my maturity and growth
12. I forgive you for not accepting and treating me as a daughter
13. I forgive you for lying to me
14. I forgive you for treating me as an ally instead of a daughter
15. I forgive you for pushing me aside when it became clear that I was not an ally any longer
16. I forgive you for the abusive words you have said to me
17. I forgive you for using me to feel better about yourself and your decisions and actions
18. I forgive you for thinking that I am nothing more than a money/gift hungry monger
19. I forgive you for not seeing my intentions were to keep you connected to your grandchildren, despite our differences
You have made your stance quite clear, and now I make mine.
I need to tend to the hearts, emotional health and overall well being of my children and of myself. I thank you for your reply and for sharing your feelings in this matter. I wish you the very best life has to give.
Good bye.

I’ve known for 12+ years that this day would come. Though I was hoping for another year or two, even though I bitch about her being so damn emo and hormonal all the time. I was a late bloomer, why shouldn’t SHE be.

I guess the fates decided that this was not the path, no matter how badly I wanted it.

Today, Haley has made the step from gir-hood to woman-hood.

Goddess bless and pass the cheesecake and Merlot, its gonna be a helluva ride.

Welp, I’m back on the wagon….mostly.

I began this year, with the what now seems lofty, goal of losing 100 pounds this year. I think before we left Roseville I was hovering at around 45-50 lost or so. Not bad. Well then the move happened. With that came living in hotels for long periods, with no real fridge or cooking devices, then when we moved in, el-tighto budget basically has had us on “beans and rice” so to speak. So the fantastic work I did on Atkins back in Calif was negated. Well not in total, I think I’ve gained about 10-15 of it back.

REGARDLESS, I’m back to doing what I can. We won’t be able to afford Atkins till probably after Christmas, but atleast with 24 access to the gym here at work, I can get in some cardio. Which, is what I’ve started doing.

This is my second week actually. Last week I could only go Mon, Tues and Wed…but its a good start! I am going to aim for Mon - Thurs atleast. Friday we do the payday dance at lunch, and we really dont have the gas to drive out HERE on Saturday and Sunday…but I figure 4 days a week of atleast 30 mins has to be worth something?

I am doing atleast 20 minutes of cardio workout on the treadmill, then follow that up with some weights. Trying to trim down the FUGLY flab I call triceps, and then work on the lovely stomach. Ugh.

So far I’ve lost just about 2 pounds in the last week….so off to a good start, or so it seems. Hopefully I can keep the motivation going. I would like to hit 50 pounds (in total) by year end. *crosses fingers whilst tying on the sneakers*

I recieved a reply from my father this weekend. I cannot say I didn’t anticipate the type of response I got, but it still stings like a bitch. I figure since the other two letters are here I might as well post this one as well.

I’ve added a few asides at the bottom, as well as my plan of “action”.

*sigh* its going to be a long Monday.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kari,

I would like to disagree with the first premises of your email; “For reasons I do not understand, nor like, you have chosen to push me out of your life”.

The last conversation, make that the last straw, I had with you was on the evening that Katherine’s father had died. I was in the shower when you called, Katherine answered the phone, and in your usual demonstration of disinterest of anything to do with her, the conversation was basically “Can I talk with my Dad”  No bother to ask how her father was doing. Your treatment of Katherine is unwarranted, and unacceptable. When I returned the call, I told you that I was pissed, that I was fed up with your lack of civility towards Katherine, and if you wanted a relationship with me you had better acknowledge my wife, and treat her with the respect she was entitled. Oh and by the way, if you care, Katherine’s Father died this morning, and I hung up.

The following week I informed you of the funeral, and family gathering. I was grateful that you sent the flowers, and stopped by to pay respects to Katherine’s Mom. I know you had very little contact with them, but your gift and appearance was appreciated.

The surface conversation we shared at the family gathering was the last communication we have had to this point. I believed I had pretty much stated my grievance, and position.

I have adopted the philosophy that if someone doesn’tt ask you your opinion, there is no point in sharing it. That of course is a difficult path to take. With relationships, there is usually an exchange of ideas, opinions, and feelings, the closer the relationship, the deeper the sharing.

I suppose my fault here is not asking questions about your developed dislike of Katherine earlier. It became increasing obvious to me that you had taken offense to something she had said or done. I certainly acknowledge that two families living in the same house for a number of months is not easy on anyone. Perhaps your feelings began there. I feel I have no need to defend Katherine or her actions; she has consistently proved herself to be forthright, easy to get along with, tolerant, and loving. I will tell you she harbors no ill will towards you, or any member of your family, and truly has no idea what she as done to piss you off.

She has asked if she should approach you and make peace. I told her she was free to do as she liked, but offered that I believed the issues were with you, and you were the one that should air the grievance. Either one or both of us would like to understand your feelings.

You are free to feel as you like about anyone. Life is short. Surround yourself with good people that genuinely care for you and your passage through this life will be rewarding. Exclude those who would use you, or are toxic. However, make your judgments on facts.

If you choose to include me in you circle or not should not depend on my status as a parent, but of the simple question, are you better off with or without the relationship.

With me comes my wife. I would be the first to tell her if her behavior towards you or Kristen was not acceptable. We have that kind of relationship. I do not expect her to choose to like you or Kristen. She does; of course I knew her nature and temperament before I married her.

I do not expect you to be buddies with Katherine. I do expect you to treat her well, show civility, and respect. That is the same courtesy that I owe Dan, or any others in your circle of family and friends. Please do not read anything negative about Dan into this. I happen to like him. I believe he has been very good to and for you.

As for the gifting and birthday acknowledgements, ask yourself a question. If I had continued to send them, would we be having this correspondence now? You forget that you shared your feelings about your Mother, and basically a “Hey if she is sending the kids gifts, what the hell… ” attitude with me.  Is this about a relationship that you would like to repair, or stuff? If you don’t care to include me in you circle of friends, what explanation do you offer to your kids as to why cards or gifts arrive from someone they do know, or have any contact with oh and by the way “we don’t like him” but maybe we will keep the stuff.

I recall another issue you had with a former friend that you didn’t want sending gifts to Haley.

Believe me I do not want to hurt TJ’s, Haley’s or Claire’s feelings. I suppose I should have completed the gift cycle until when?

Thank you for continuing to let me know of your travels. I actually wondered if the email was intentional or if I was just buried in a group list that had not been purged.

I hope the move to Oregon will be every thing you are looking for. The California housing market is definitely not kind to first time buyers. I believe there are better places to raise a family as well. Oregon seems a better place for that as well. I truly wish you the very best in life.

A little unfinished business, since you have moved, what should I do with Dan’s table?

So, in conclusion, I believe the choice is yours. Please dont lie to the kids, or yourself. You are not required to like or associate with me just because I am your father. Do so on the value of the relationship.

You are always free to call, the number is still the same. Home is the best place to reach us, after 7:00 the best time.

Dad

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok, my asides first. I NEVER had that attitude about my Mother sending gifts when we were estranged. In fact, when things were THAT bad, I dont even think she knew where I lived, in order to SEND gifts in the firstplace. And the “friend” I didnt want sending gifts to Haley, well the only ones that will truely understand that are Mike, Dan and Brendan. It was Kitty. I will have to post another thing about that someday, but now is NOT the time. I’ve been through enough heartache bring THIS shit back up, let alone go diving into THAT fiasco all over again.

I suppose what really pisses me off is that the whole response is “peppered” with Katherine this, Katherine that. Fuck you. I do NOT have to have a relationship with her, in order for YOU to act like a father.

He also is admittedly treating the kids as if they are me. There is no line of seperation. He assumes we are talking trash about him in front of them, which I REFUSE to do. Its kinda ‘funny’ that he mentions removing people that are toxic from your life….because thats what I have to do with him at this point.

The whole point of my email to him, was to figure out what his issue was. I can see clearly now that he is blaming this whole fiasco on me, and will refuse to take responsibility, or put the blame on Katherine, where it is rightfully due. Because of that, I have no choice but to forgive him, for the hurt both to myself, but to my family - and move on.

I wont allow myself or Dan, or the kids for that matter, to carry this any longer than I/we already have.

Now, I just have to compose a controlled and calm response….

Welp,

I did it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dad,

For reasons I do not understand, nor like, you have chosen to push me out of your life. This hurts more than I can ever begin to tell you, I miss my Dad. I miss our talks, the laughter, the good times and memories. I hope one day that you will want to restore that relationship, but for now, it is what it is.
The reason I am writing, however, is regardless of our severed relationship. Despite what is happening between you and I, my children - your grandchildren, should not be put in the middle of it. For some reason, you chose to recognize Haley’s birthday in March, but did not do the same for Claire in August, or Thomas this last week. This has put me in the uncomfortable position of trying to explain to a nine-year old, why his Grandfather “forgot” his birthday. Its not about monetary value or a physical “gift”, its about remembering them, reminding them that you love them, and not choosing who will and who will not be remembered and recognized.

I have done my best, despite the silence, to keep you posted with our current address, and our cell phone number is still the same. I would like to think it was an oversight. I can understand that Claire has only been around 2 years, so her birthday date might not have “stuck” yet, but Thomas…he’s rather heart-broken. For this reason, I would ask you to either recognize all three children, or none at all. This way I do not have to try to explain to them what is going on - because frankly, I shouldn’t’ have to - or even worse, lie to them

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m rather numb, and almost dreading a response…but its part of the process I MUST go through in order to move past this pain I have carried for so long now. Time to let the wound close.

I have become slightly concerned about Claire starting Kindergarten as of late. The reason being, that she seems to have latched on to a nickname that my entire household has become accustomed to calling her by. I suppose we all have nicknames, some stick for a lifetime, are passed on or inherited or just “pop up” one day. I am not recalling why we started calling her this, it just occurred, and its been here ever since. For the most part, its just Dan and the kids and I. The rest of the NORMAL human society just refers to her by her actual name, Claire. AMAZING!
 

Anyway, I digress. My concern comes from a conversation that Claire and Dan and I have every day when we pick her up from her daycare. It started as me wanting to get her to say her own name, now that her vocabulary is in full blossom, and has become somewhat of a joke instead. It goes a little something like this:
 

Me: Claire, say Mama…
 

Claire: MAMA!
 

Me: Papa…
 

Claire: Papa, PAPA!
 

Me: Good Girl! Say Haley!
 

Claire: Haley! (which to the normal ear sounds more like Eeeley)
 

Me: Say Thomas
 

Claire: Teejay (or sometimes something that mostly sounds like Thomas)
 

Me: K, now say Claire!
 

Claire: … BUG!
 

Me: *blink*
 

So you see, my concern is that her first day of school, an unsuspecting teacher will say, “So, who do we have here! Aren’t you a cutey! What’s your name, dear?” and Claire will respond clearly, and rather proudly, “Hi! My name is Bug Trescott!”.

 

The following is the first draft of a letter I am sending to my father. He will not get THIS copy, as my wise mother and sister have talked me into a much more calm and productive version.

However, it was REALLY good therapy to vent this, even if only to a blank Outlook “New Mail”, damn good I tell you.

I wanted to post this, so that if I need to revisit how I feel and why in word form, its handy. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well,

I think it’s about time I stop this stupidity.
I am damn tired of this. You made the choice to push me out, because of what your wife thinks, says and believes about me, my husband and my children. You single handedly destroyed all trust and faith I had in you as a person.

Why?

All because of Katherine. I made a simple phone call to YOU, nearly a year and a half ago. A call that was a good-spirited reminder to NOT forget Kristen’s birthday. The thanks I got? An enraged, ridiculous return call from YOU. You broke my heart that day. I have forgiven you for the awful way you both treated and spoke to me, but rest assured I will never, EVER forget.
 
Your wife is a mean MEAN person, and from the moment we arrived in California, she made it clear. From making us feel unwelcome and unwanted in your home, after the OPEN invitation we received, to throwing things and words at both Dan and myself. To her bitchy attitude towards spending time with grand-kids, both as the RIGHT thing to do as a GRANDPARENT, AND to give Dan and I a break once in awhile, to her LIES about what I have said and done.

I will come out and say it, because I am an adult, because I am being honest, and because I think its damn time someone said it.

Your wife is a bitch.

She has been from day one, and has done NOTHING to prove or earn my trust, loyalty or love. Those are things that are EARNED Dad, NOT given. Just because you go and marry someone does NOT make them my mother, step-mother, friend or authority figure. ESPECIALLY considering I am a full grown adult. She has done nothing but hurt my family, YOU have been the only reason we maintained the relationship and tried to get along. NOT her or her whacky family.

Now, now we don’t even have YOU. Something I am quite sure she is thrilled about. One less hand in your pocket, one less distraction so that she can keep you to herself and spend both your money, and your spirit to utter exhaustion and completion.

I do not know what she told you that fateful day, but apparently it was enough for you to believe HER over me. How was I to know that her Dad had died? I had not received any messages to that fact. And FURTHERMORE, what in bloody hell gives you the right to call and scream at me because of something I didn’t know?

Its not like I called and said, “Hey there, I TOTALLY know your Dad is DEAD, but I don’t care, I want to talk to my Dad, BITCH.”

No, all I did was call and ask for you and relay kindly why I was calling. Do you know how many times I have replayed that phone call in my head? Too many to count, and after I hit send, I will not do it again. I am tired of waiting for an apology I will not get.

I held out hope for awhile, that you might come to your senses, see what crap has transpired, and realize your DAUGHTER, SON-IN-LAW and GRANDCHILDREN might be the ones you should care about, you know….your BLOOD?

We have received and thanked you for gifts over the last year, up until recently. This is part of why I held on to hope. I thought, ok, maybe its just Katherine that’s causing this shit, and Dad is still trying to keep connected. This is why I included you on photo albums and emails updating everyone where and what we were doing.

Why didn’t I call? I felt that I was the one due the call. We went to the Memorial service, I spent a shit load on flowers for Audrey, we paid our respects to Audrey. Do you honestly think I was going to say two words to your wife after the phone call I received not days before? And YOU? You sat and got SHIT faced, and refused to look me in the eye. So, why should I go out of my way to call you? What, to apologize? To tell you how wrong I was for calling and not foreseeing information I had not been given/received yet? For not respecting Katherine in regards to something I had no clue about? Maybe I should just apologize for EXISTING.

No, I think the phone call card is definitely yours to play.

I am not and will never be, ready to call and spurt out an apology, in attempt to retrieve the parent that has shunned me for the sins of their spouse.

Where does that leave us?

Dan’s Birthday came and went, Claire’s SECOND birthday came and went, MY birthday came and went, fine no problem. I could care less, Dan could care less, your youngest grand-daughter? Doesn’t even KNOW you, so she could care less at this juncture. But Thomas? He’s rather upset. He recalls that Haley received a gift in the mail, he still REMEMBERS who YOU are…and has asked me atleast a dozen times, why YOU haven’t sent him anything. He wanted to know if maybe you didn’t know where we lived because we moved, or if I didn’t tell you that it was his birthday, or that maybe you had just forgotten him.

For fucks sake Dad, he’s NINE. Is this really what is right? Is this how you want family to be, to remember you? Its NOT about the gift, the point is….HE LOVES YOU, and in his mind, YOU have forgotten HIM. How am I supposed to explain that to him?

“Gee Thomas, I am really sorry, but Grandpa’s Wife HATES your mom and dad, so they won’t be talking to you anymore or sending you Christmas or birthday cards”???

I’ve mulled over this all week, and I’ve finally just reached the boiling point. I was fine with this little game, this keeping us at distance, with pretending that we don’t exist. But when I have to explain to my child why his Grandpa doesn’t seem to care anymore? The gloves come off.
So there it is, there is the gauntlet.

At this point, I am so fed up and tired of waiting, I have so much resentment and hatred of the woman that calls herself your wife, I cant even see straight when thinking of this subject. So, I figure the ONLY way to purge this out, is to put it out there and just let you have it, since its VERY apparent you are not going to be a grown up and try to fix what you have done wrong.

I really don’t know what to think of you anymore. I was once SO proud to have you as my father, and I would boast and brag to my friends that you were so awesome, such a great person, so funny, so smart, so loving towards your family. Hell, with most of my friends growing up and up until the last two years, YOU were THEIR favorite parent of mine.
Now? I have to answer uncomfortable questions as to you, what you are up to, when I talked to you last, where I am spending holidays and the like. Its pathetic, its sad, its immature, and frankly? I’m done with it.

If you have anything to say for yourself, go ahead. Be forewarned, I will NOT put up with anything other than an apology. I do not care to hear about your wife, to hear you yell, vent or scream that I have done some grave injustice by not respecting and honoring her. She is the one that has done the injustice. When she married you, she married US. Not the other way around.

This is your opportunity to make things right, it will not be offered to you again. If you do not care to respond, or have nothing to offer in the way of an apology, that is fine. I will make due with the family that I DO have, as they have proven themselves to be the TRUE family that abides by truth, loyalty and love. They have been the ones that supported Dan and I through his surgery, through our remaining time in Roseville, through our decision to move and the move itself to Eugene. Not in monetary value, but in love, verbal support, connection, COMMUNICATION, parenting, advice and guidance.

I regret that you have missed out on so much, do you really want to continue to miss out?

Its your choice.

Today is the day that Thomas came into this world. I don’t have alot of recolllection of this day, nor of the first 9-12 months of his life sadly. Reason? I was in a BAD BAD BAD place with a very psychotic and evil man. ‘Nuff said.

But, this day is NOT about the bad. Its about my son being 9 today. NINE! Can’t believe it, no matter how true it may be. He’s a funny kid. Quite emotional, which has its ups and downs, but a good kid. He does all the typical boy stuff, and so the circle of boyhood continues :)

In other news. Angry Landro-Mat Women. Yes, I think I finally had my first experience with a rage influenced North-Westerner. It was kinda creepy actually. Dan and I were at the ‘mat’ doing the wash yesterday, when we suddenly had front row seats to this rather humourus series of events.

Whilst Dan was sitting on the tailgate chatting with Ma on the cell, I was wandering around, eavesdropping, smoking a cigarette and just sorta looking around. This woman walks down the parking lot and heads inside. She had to be in her late 50’s if not early 60’s. She was the picture of low income, goddess bless it takes one to know one! :) Anyhow, she walks in, and within minutes, she leaves. SCREAMING. I am talking the gutteral, primal screams that only a true bout of rage can bring. Why? We had no idea….at first.

She is talking to herself between screams, but I cannot make out what she is saying. I shrug it off with a confused laugh, rely the pandalerium to Dan who tells Ma, and we call it good. Not more than 5 minutes go by, and here she comes again. This time I can make out more of what she’s saying. Its something to do with people being so possesive and something about washing machines. Still doesnt make sense, but I just sorta watch her out of the corner of my sunglass shaded eyes and continue to eavesdrop to the cell phone convo next to me.

As I watch, the lady begins a short conversation with another women who is folding laundry just inside the front door. She’s waving a $20 bill in her hand and bitching, but too far away to hear. Bummer. Well I didnt have to wait long to get the scoop.

She leaves the ‘mat’ again, screaming again. Not so many screams this time, as words. Now she is clear as crystal, and easy to hear. She’s saying that she’s been to 4 landromats, and they are all full, and how come people don’t buy washing machines anymore, ANYWAY, and now SHE has to go home and do her laundry in her bathtub. She repeats this, in several variations, all to herself….loudly, the full way back to her car. She starts it up, backs the vehicle, which has a backseat FULL of laundry, and squeals out of the parking lot and onto some unknown destination.

I ponder this, relay the latest info to my husband and chuckle.

Moments later, I used the ladies room, had a quick chat with another ‘mat’ patron, emptied FIVE washing machines…..and left.

Amazing.

The irony here is apparent, of course. Why bitch about “everyone” NOT having a washing machine when YOU need one yourself….but also…to the best of MY limited knowledge of Eugene/Springfield, there are only about 6 laundro-mats. Each of these are 10-15 minutes apart when driving on a Sunday.

Most washing machine cycles run for aprox. 20 minutes.

Moral? Slow down, have a dryer sheet, and shut the FUCK up